Why does it hurt.....

As I sit here in my bed,alone crying my eyes out,waiting for you to show up,I tell my self its okay he will come home to youBut when you get here you get undressed and go to sleep fast. But not before you tell me how fun your night was. I am sooo sick of being so nice to be stepped on. He makes me feel special to only make me cry harder. You know i feel so bad about the way I look and I just wish it would all go away.I tell you i want to do something about it and yet again you hurt me. Telling me I am not going to do it but for maybe a week. Can't you see through me?Can't you see i am hurting?No you can not. You see laughs and smiles but inside there are frons and tears. Read me and you will see the true me. You will see a sad little girl that needs love. Everyone says I am spoiled and get what I want but that is not true.Everything i have is NOT mine it is his.He gets it all and I get the dark. I am the one that sees the real you. No one else sees it. But they all get treated different. You know i would not care if you would put me first. But no its always they need this and that..and i will smile for them even tho i came home with a fron. I get all the baddd and they get the good. I have to cook,clean,do laundry,wake him up for work,send our daughter to school,get groceries...everything!!! And they get his attention....I just wish I could have it all.

Ughh I just am so tired...I drink to hide the pain and sleep to hide the boredom and cry to let it alll out........I just wanna crawl up into a hole and never return. We both know you can not live without me and me without you. i just wanna screammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Struggles We Go Through

So many thing we go through in life that we wonder why. You sit around and you wonder if you had just did something different if you could of had waht you wanted. I sit here and wonder what it is that i did wrong. Why is it that everyone has what i want and need so bad. I have distance myself from people that has what i need. It is not fair that I cant have it. I wish that things would so work out for me in the way i want it . I am in love with them man of my dreams and i have a wonderful daughter that i love with all my heart but my life is not full. It is missing something that yet to be filled.It can not be filled because it is not able to be filled. I will have a empty place until i can fill it.

I was almost able to fill it. It took me 2 months to finally see that it was not going to be filled. @ months of hoping that it would be filled and then it works against me yet again. It will never happen for me and I watch all my friends fill there lives and extremely happy. I just want to crawl in a hole and not leave it. I try to put myself with others to make my life seem full but it only last until they are gone. Others dont like to be near me for long.They always leave me and i am back to being wanting more. I a, empty and want to be full. How can I fill this emptiness that will never be filled the way i need it to be filled?No one will never know......